I am emotionally drained.
Tonight was our community Baccalaureate service. We had arranged for the pastor of the local heavy metal church to bring his worship band to do music, but at the last ministerium meeting he announced that his band members didn't want to drive all the way to town and set up all their equipment to only do three songs. So I put my hand up and said I could bring my guitar and lead a few songs. The problem is, I'm not a song leader. I'm a performer - a performer who tends to take great liberties with timing and tune, which I can get away with when I'm performing solo, just me and my guitar. I do a monthly concert at the nursing home, singing a repertoire of Fanny Crosby hymns, Old Rugged Cross and Because He Lives. What I lack in talent I make up with enthusiasm. Those who don't know music tell me how great I am. I can tell when someone does know music. I see them grimacing a lot.
Baccalaureate is for the graduates, but over half of the audience is also parents and grandparents. So I tried to mix up the music with two hymns and two praise songs. I opened with a rousing version of To God Be The Glory. Then came Shout To The Lord by Darlene Zschech followed by Seek Ye First. The last song was Higher Ground by Oatman & Gabriel. During rehearsal yesterday I had gone through In Christ Alone by Townend and Getty and then decided not to use it. But I had the tune in my head when I started working on Higher Ground and discovered they have the same meter. It fits. It took forever for me to get the right tune to Higher Ground into my head. So, tonight, in order to make sure I started off singing Higher Ground to the right tune I put a little extra twang in the guitar opening. In doing that I also started it way too fast. Then, rather than stop and start over, once it cut loose, I rared back and let her fly. I ended up with the twangiest, liveliest rendition of Higher Ground that those folks ever heard.
Now I'm sitting up late thinking about what an idiot I made of myself. After over 900 sermons I'm used to the post-preaching blues and have learned to limit the second guessing that always assails me Sunday afternoons. But it still takes me awhile to wind down after singing to a broader audience in a larger venue.
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He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking. - Mr. Spock