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Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of
fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish
after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the
best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my
tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" Ole
laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next
time." "Hey Sven, " said Ole,
"how many Swedes does it take to grease a Combine?" After Sven replied, "I
don't know." Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."
One night, Ole and Lena were fast asleep when all of a sudden the phone rings. Ole wakens
and goes to answer it. "How the heck should I know, that's a thousand miles
away!!" he barks into the phone and then slams down the receiver. "Who was
that?" asks Lena. "I have no idea, Lena, " answers Ole. "Somebody
wanted to know if the coast is clear."
Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What
happened to your ears?" Ole says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the
phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss
says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" Ole
says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled
look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his
origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he
asked. "Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come
from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me, " his mother answered.
"And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork
brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up
his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been
no natural births in our family for three yenerations."
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for
lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have
you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No, " replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den, " Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent
blind!"
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was
doing with it. "Oh, " said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a
clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell, " Ole answered,
"because vith a clarinet, she can't sing."
Ole and Lena were so excited to get a new cellular phone. Ole was to call when he was on
his way home from town. Ole called Lena when he entered the freeway. "Lena put supper
on, I'm on my way home." Lena says, "Be careful because I hear some nut is
driving the wrong way on the freeway." "It's worse than that Lena, where I'm at
there are a hundred cars going the wrong way!"
Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how
much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot. "That's
too much, " said Ole. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make
you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride
will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." Ole and Lena agreed
and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to
congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so, "
said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and
generally having a celebration of some sort. "Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the
party continued. They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender’s
curiousity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked.
"51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded. "What did you do in 51
days?" he probed. "Put the puzzle together," they replied, "51 days
and the box said 3-5 years!"
Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."
Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."
Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."
Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da
car?" Lena: "In da lake."
Lena once had two chickens. One of them got terribly sick. So she killed the other one to
make soup to get the first one well again.
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said,
"Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name isn't
Valter." |
Vant
more funny stuff? Try dis book... |
